To Clear Up a Few Matters...

Jesse and I are in fact gay. With each other. No doubt. I introduced him to my whole family and he did the same for me.

-Cam

Ponoka, Cam's view

Alright so this is after the fact and no one is reading this crap anymore, this is mostly to get one more gay joke off at Jesse.

We got to Ponoka, which is basically five houses on a highway with a Subway and 4 liquor stores. Maybe there were more, maybe there were less. Fuck it. Jesse's parents ruled. His dog, ruled. Ren, the bathroom cat, ruled. The room I stayed in was his brothers room which had a TOILET IN IT AWESOME!

Also if you ever wonder what Jesse looks like with long hair just ask to see a picture of his brother.

We met up with Jesse's friends like he said, but it wasn't so much a BBQ as it was a LGBT convention. They threw it in Jesse's honour of course.

Speaking of throwing in Jesse's honour, after Jesse was done gaying off with his old friends, I threw up in his house! FUCK YEAH. AMERICA. LGBT!!!!!!!

-Cam

The End?

So, here I am, sitting in my room in Vancouver. My roomie said to me, "You should do an outro entry, letting everyone know that you guys made it home and stuff." Here goes!

After leaving Saskatoon and arriving in Ponoka, AB, Cam and I actually skated for the first time since Los Angeles. A new skate park had just been built, so it was kind of a fun experience. In fact, that's pretty much all that we did in Ponoka, minus hanging out with my old friend, Jace, for part of a day. I miss that guy.

Oh, and Cam got his first hangover of the trip! Yeah, seriously, one night of drinking with my old crew put Cam over the top! He even threw up! He didn't actually wake up til 3pm! PONOKA'D!

So yeah, after Cam fought off his hangover, we loaded up a bunch of equipment with my brother and mother and headed off for Bluesfest 2010. I used to play at it every year, but then I moved to Vancouver, so I haven't been to it in about 4 years. It was fun coming back to it, free food and music! Cam and I didn't touch booze this night, though. Our bodies couldn't take it, so we just ate a tonne of food and enjoyed a relaxing evening that included someone riding a wheelchair across a GIANT FIRE. Good times!

On Sunday, July 4th (MR. EAGLES BIRTHDAY), at about 3:30pm, we boarded a Greyhound in Red Deer, AB, bound for Vancouver. We stopped for about an hour and a half in Calgary, checked out Millenium Skate Park and just hang around. We then endured the worst bus trip, in terms of sleep, through the Rockies through the night. At roughly 8:15am, July 5th, we stepped off of the bus... just shy of exactly 30 days after we had boarded a bus from the exact same platform.

So, where did we head?

BON'S! Where the hell else would we go?! That was a nice welcome-home.

Now I need a job.

And Cam needs a liver.

Any takers?

I sure hope that this isn't the end of the adventure.

Suck it, Trebek

Saskatoon

Round Two!

You know what we're doing in Saskatoon? NOTHING
Well, we made some killer burgers at Robbi's last night and drank like fifty beers. Today will be the day that Graeme finally gets himself a slice of the ol' butt pie! Well hopefully, if he's not too busy stealing all the doods away from Jesse.

So Jesse and I are officially a couple. I brought him home to meet my mom and I will be meeting his parents sometime tomorrow morning. Yup. Just in case there was any doubt in anyone's minds.

Booze is far too expensive. We can't justify it anymore. $9.99 for a 6 pack? Give me a fuckin' break! I'd rather gouge out my eyes with a rusty melon baller.

Stay tuned for a lesson in love making from Minnesota!

-Cam

A tip from us

In case any of you were wondering....

Minneapolis!

The song - Tourette's
The word - Puke breath....shoes
The place - Butt country

Our last real stop in AMERICA! HOME OF MR EAGLE

We got off the bus from Chicago to greeted by the lovely Crystal. You know what was on her license plate?
A fucking EAGLE. YEAH. Jesse shit a brick.

First stop? Sculpture garden to see a giant cherry on an even bigger teaspoon. It was here that the three of us came up with America's new economic action plan. Similar to the make work project of the 20's of building America's intensive freeway system, we decided that everyday the giant spoon should act as a catapult for the cherry, launching it towards city hall, destroying it everyday, then re-building. Imagine the jobs! At least 40 people would need to co-ordinate their efforts to all jump at the same time to launch the cherry far enough. Then the clean up crews, rebuilding labour, medical staff and eventual protestors. Hundreds of jobs right there. Get to it America.

Soon after this (and a much needed shower) we found ourselves in a pontoon in the Missisipi River being fed a booze they called, "River Water". Wait what? Jesse and I thought about how ridiculous it was that THIS was how our invasion of America was ending. Drinking free booze on a boat in the middle of the ol' Missisip. I was trying to convince everyone that I would wrestle and eventually tame an alligator for the purposes of extended travel down the river. They told me there were no alligators. You know what I have to say to that? Suck it Trebek.

So two River Waters and three alligators later, we ended up in a hotel room, Jesse making out with at least eighty guys again. We had the most booze I've ever seen there. Especially for three people. A 60 of gin, courtesy of Jesse and I, Crystal brought like... 6 bottles of booze. I can't even remember what she stocked the fridge with. What a babe.

No we didn't finish it all, Crystal was not impressed and told us we drank like we were from Montana, not Canada. Keep in mind this is the girl that helped us wizard staff the fucking roof in San Francisco.

We left at 8 this morning bound for... don't judge... MANITOBA, THE PUKE PROVINCE

Please excuse me while I vomit all over my shoes.

-Cam

Chi-Town

Pizza. Mother, fucking, pizza. I can't believe I've never seen deep dish pizza outside of Chicago. It was like taking a pie, but making it a pizza instead.

I generally rate food by how it compares to the size of my bowel movements (most things for that matter) and I have never taken a shit larger than that pizza. Thank god. It took 45 minutes to prepare and I'm positive that many Bothan's died to bring me that 'za.

Chicago was an incredibly gigantic city, only surpassed by L.A. on the trip. Well I guess that's because it's the third largest in the States, next to Ell Eh and New Why. We didn't do a whole pile here, our hostel was a half an hour out of the downtown core and we had come here on a whim anyways. On top of that, the hostel we booked turned out to be the "No-Fun Tolerated" hostel. No booze (WHAT?!), check out at 9:30AM, no one allowed in the hostel between 11AM and 2PM, a kitchen you wouldn't want to use, no lockers, bathrooms like you're back in gym class, there was a common room but it was just full of chairs that were covered in white sheets. It felt like we had stepped into an about to be horror movie location. Seriously fuck that hostel.

Jesse made out with so many guys. Probably like, a hundred. He got all their phone numbers too, it was great. Great work team!

-Cam

Nawlins.... Finally

The Big Easy. What can even be said...

Well first, the directions the hostel gave us from the bus station to said hostel were terrible. One might even call them wrong. In this case, wrong means telling us to take a left turn instead of a right. This left turn actually sent us down a sidewalk down a freeway that just ends in the middle of it. Thanks guys.

We got to the hostel SWEATING. Like Jesus man, it was the most intense humidity I have ever felt in my life. I took a shower, yeah still sweating in the shower.

This entry blows so far.

The second day in Nawlins, we went and found some damn good food. The south knows how to fuckin' cook. I've got two words for you

DEEP FRIED PICKLES

Take a hint Canada. Deep fry everything and serve it with ranch.

JAMBALAYA

Yes please.

Jesse will eventually get it up on the food blog. He's pretty backlogged, I think he's still at Los Angeles.

So let's get on to the sweet part. Our last night, we met a new friend named "Jeff" from "Australia". Or so he claims. For sake of ease, why don't we call him "Butt Face" from "Ireland". Yeah everyone from Ireland is a Butt Face. I hope you're reading this Steve.

So Jesse. Butt Face and I each had our own 26. We also split a case of LANDSHARK beer and Butt Face and I had tall boy cans for the walk home. The wonderful thing about New Orleans (and most places south and east of Vegas) is that no one gives a fuck if you drink in the streets, as long as it's not in a glass bottle. So we had finished these 26's in some plastic cups we had acquired from a bar on Bourbon earlier that day where we had some Po' Boys. Oh I forgot about Po' Boys... I love you Louisiana. Please be my hot southern wife who deep fries everything. Word? Word.

Highlights of this night include

-someone threatening to kill me, then getting his ass handed to him by some guy I was talking to at the time about how rad Nawlins is
-Butt Face asking a girl in a bikini to if he could eat raw steak from her butthole
-I lost my shirt on top of a hotel sign, so I tore down one of those signs that points you to movie sets labeled, "Mighty" and pointed the arrow towards the ol' Hal Johnson
-I passed out in the bathroom of a strip club
-I passed out in the bathroom of a casino

I'm sure there's more, a LOT more. I think Jesse was fairly well composed this time around, mostly because there was no swimming pool in sight. Besides the one's we were sweating out every day. Oh I should mention we NEVER stopped sweating.

Wyoming, who cares?

-Cam
-

Homeward Bound

And I don't mean that stupid movie with the animals! Well, Cam and I are animals, but you get the point. I'm sitting in a hotel room, just outside of Minneapolis, MN as Cam is making the bathroom his bitch. (If the toilet is broken after this, I'm going to be PISSED) So yeah, we're catching a bus at 8am out of this place. We're going to cross the Canadian border and head west. Where will we end up between here and Vancouver? WHO KNOWS?




And really, who cares?

Change Of Plans

We gotta keep it brief. Our plans changed drastically changed while waiting for the bus at Memphis.

Our alternate plan was... Go through Memphis then St. Louis, then head west through Kansas City, Denver, Salt Lake City, Idaho (NO YOU DA HO), Portland, then to Paolostock and maybe one day home.

FUCK THAT SHIT

At the bus stop we decided that Chicago was a WAY better choice than fucking Utah.

So yeah, I'm in Chicago right now. Fuck you Texas! We're heading out of here tonight for Minnesota then no fucking idea from there. Milwaukee? Birthplace of PBR!

Suck it Trebek

-Cam

Fuck Texas

Seriously. Texas? Balls.

Alright, so we just covered 4 states in 2 days. Here's a bit of a condensed entry.
To start off, they wouldn't issue us tickets for New Orleans coming out of Vegas.
We showed our passes and they just said, "Oh we don't issue tickets for discovery passes here
you can just get on the bus".

Kinda sketchy... We realized that this meant we were NOT guaranteed to get to New Orleans,
especially since our first stop in Flagstaff, was at 2 in the morning.

Arizona

Flagstaff - It was late, it was dark. It looked boring. The guy there STILL wouldn't give
us tickets to New Orleans. He just gave us a baggage ticket which he made us write out by
hand. The west and the south are two VERY different places.


New Mexico

Gallup - I thought it was called Giddy Up for a while. It would have been a fine description anyways.
Burger King for breakfast? Fuck that. More like salt king. King of the buttholes.

Albuqurque - All the buildings are the same colour! This off kind of poopy brown colour.
We're glad we didn't end up staying a day here. You know what there is to do in Albuquerque?
NOTHING

However, we FINALLY got our tickets to New Orleans here, after explaining what had happened before. The guy behind the counter (bless your heart Ryan, Jesse misses you) thought that was the strangest thing he had ever heard and issued our tickets

Tucumcari - You think I have any idea how to pronounce that? Fuck no. We had Subway here.
Yes Bobby, diarrhea town. It was hotter than the devils anus after eating Chipotle, with no
Chipotle-Away.

Texas

Fuck Texas


Louisiana

Shreveport - It was 6AM, we just transferred here. Although, Louisiana is SO much nicer to
look at than Texas. You know what we saw in Texas? NOTHING

Alexandria - I think we ate breakfast here. That might have been in Shreveport though. I
ordered grits, because I had no idea what grits were. You know what they are? Baby vomit.
According to credible sources, grits are amazing with butter and brown sugar or cheese.

Lafayette - I can't even remember what happened here. This is city number...eight or something.
I think I bought some soda here. Yeah you wanted a good entry? Go read Post Secret.

Baton Rouge - Second to last stop. The scenery along the last few cities has been pretty
gorgeous. The basin's and bayous are full of trees that just come out of the middle of the
water. Amazing. Take that Texas, you giant ass.

Interesting things about Louisiana, there's french fuckin EVERYWHERE. I'm not surprised,
but after being in Cali, Arizona and Texas where there's Spanish on everything, it was a
weird thing to see. Made me feel like I was in Canada.

Our bus driver? Yeah he's an alligator. Steering wheel? A SNAKE. ALLIGATOR DRIVING A SNAKE

My mind is blown.

As I was telling Crystal, I plan on eating alligator meat while I'm down here. Not BBQ'd
no no. I'm far too raw as fuck for that. I'm going to eat it LIVE. Literally OFF of an
alligator while I'm wrestling it. Take that nature!

And to Hilary, I WILL be expecting my pie covered in frosting, as soon as we find a good
place to take this monocle picture. Nicole, get jealous.

We are literally on the road to New Orleans as we speak. Finally at the end of our 40 hour
long bus trip. Thanks Vegas, for keeping us an extra day with your enticement of cheap booze,
smokes, food, women, booze and women.

Getting the Fuck Out Of Dodge

So this was it. Our final few hours in the last free state. Jesse was taking an alcohol powered super nap beside me poolside. There are two Aussie's beside me, getting a good head start on a bottle of something. Likely a bottle of pure freedom. Excellent work gentlemen.

We were facing the longest stretch of our trip. 40 hours on a bus from Las Vegas to New Orleans. We're supposed to be in Albuquerque right now, however we got too drunk and booked another night in Vegas. It went something like this...

Jesse - "Hey, we're drunk. Wanna stay another night?"
Cam - "As your attorney, I advise you to book a couple of beds"

And so it was.

And so our adventure continues into the deep south. We were due to arrive in Louisiana at 2PM on Monday. New Orleans is our last real stop on our invasion of America. We were soon going to realize, that our trip was wrapping up. New Orleans holds the only potential for being better than San Francisco. Well, at least to me. Jesse's night last night went something like this...

-Drunk
-playing guitar in the pool, the guitar was full of water
-being convinced by me to go to 7-11 in his underwear to buy beer
-it worked
-playing pool in a toga?
-snakes
-waking up to me handing him a beer at 8:45AM

And now he's asleep. New Orleans allows drinking in public, so I have faith that it can get crazier than SF. I'm hoping Jesse ends up oiled up in a cage dancing with ten men. This is gonna warrant a "gaying off" tag

-Cam

Bat Country

So. Here we are. In the middle of Bat Country. It had become clear to me, that I agreed to travel America with a mad man.

We were amidst the reptiles. Swimming in the pool. There were crazy men shouting at us. He had tattoo's all over him and I couldn't understand a word he said. He told us he had never been to Canada and asked us , "Where the ladies were at". This was proving to be incredibly annoying. I was thinking about throwing limes at him, simply to distract his primitive mind. Jesse had NOT handed me a beer at this moment.

Finally, the man had disappeared. We were alone now. The mescaline was kicking in slowly.

I had realized that I had no idea what I was talking about. Only fear and common sense were holding anyone back from doing anything. It had become clear to me, as we both had less than a hundred dollars left for this trip. We simply didn't care. This was the last free state! Who was to hold us back? The man? Any man? There were two men walking down the Fremont strip today and they said to us as we were drinking beers in the middle of the street, "DAMN! They got dem 211's goin' on! "

I have no sense of what I'm writing now, this post needs to end before the next ice age takes over.

Until we meet again, Bat Country....

Ell AYYYYY!

Okay, no updates for a few days. Suck it Trebek.

LA was pretty tame compared to SF. We had to give our livers a break to be fair. Crystal has the rest of the photographic evidence of our COMPLETE and absolute anal domination of the City by the Bay.

We stayed in West Hollywood (WeHo) while we were in LA. No Bobby, I didn't go to Compton, or Inglewood. No I didn't see Ice Cube or kidnap Bill Murray.

What we did...

Skated Venice Beach.

JESUS FUCKING FUCK FUCK.

Yeah.

Amoeba Music. If you ever wanted any record EVER, they have it. I could have blown the entire cost of the oil spill in the South on music at Amoeba. I found an out of print Mastodon EP that I had no idea even existed. I thought I had all Mastodon up until yesterday. For ten dollars too. Fuck yeah LA.

LA is sprawling. It's wayyyyyy too over the top for some schmuck like me and I wish we could have had a little more time there, but I am happy with what I had.

Bobbs, the LA ditches are GNAR GNAR GNAR. But unfortunately full of water when we were there. Venice Beach though.... Just like THPS 1. Insane.

Jess, you would love LA. Make a week of time to go there, you would be in heaven. Go to Beverly Hills, Hollywood, WeHo and NoHo (North Hollywood). You'll be right at home.

Update on Bat Country to come later. As it stands, Jesse and I bought a 60 of Wiser's Deluxe for $27 from some store on Santa Monica Blvd. yesterday and we are in the process of drinking it poolside in the last free state. We're gonna need a typewriter.

-Cam

Watch the fire rain down from an eagle

Making Judas Priest proud!

There were moustaches!

Skateboard lessons?

Breakfast!

Drunk cuteness!

Drunk... well... drunk!

Failed tricks

Roomie's and stuff!

Norrrrrrrrrrrrrway!

Candid times with David, our French friend.

There you have it. Somewhat visual proof of what has been told. You don't like it? TOO BAD.

Meeting Mr. Eagle at a Wizard Staff Party

Did last night really happen? I SURE HOPE SO.

Yep, Cam and I made some freakin' great pasta after the most long and annoying search for groceries EVER. Little, old Chinese ladies kicking our shins, stealing our meat. Just you wait, we'll show 'em what we're made of..... NAPALM.

So yeah, we walked/skated around pretty much all day. We ended up catching a trolley to Castro to get Cam's mom some really gay postcards. BEST STORE EVER. Cocks and postcards have never been so good together. Finally making it back to the hostel with the ingredients for pasta and a 12-pack of PBR, we were ready to blow some stuff up. As we began to prepare our food, we happened to start talking to a girl that was in the kitchen. Her name was Crystal and she was from Minnesota. Did I mention that she kicked serious ass?

Okay, she kicked serious ass.

Beer began to flow and pasta began to cook. We invited Crystal to join us, along with David and friends. I think that David has a man-crush on me. Hot. Sarah (from T.O., that we met in Portland) also came by! Awesome! The pasta turned out great, by the way. WIN FOR TEAM CANADA... or, is that... CAMada? Whatever! Cam brought out some cards and Kings became the name of the game. It was at this moment that Cam remembered our roll of packing tape that we brought specifically for Wizard Staffing. The night rolled on, and so did we. Four 12-packs for PBR later, we managed to have the entire ballroom cheering us on. WE HAD TO STAND ON THE TABLES TO DRINK. We ended up combining all of our staffs to create the MASTER STAFF. Yes... it touched the roof... in a ballroom with 30ft ceilings! I have to find visual proof. Sadly, I ended up having to cut it apart.

Jesse - Hey man, you have to come see this. I need to know what to do.

Hostel Worker - Uh... wow. If my manager was here, I'd get them to hang it on the wall or something. Sadly, I have to break your heart and get you to pull it apart since they aren't in until tomorrow.

And then my heart broke.

AND THEN......

We woke up at 8:30, I cracked a beer, we had breakfast and went out into the city with Crystal. Booked our tickets to LA and walked around a bunch. As we were walking, this nugget of solid fucking gold dropped from Crystal's lips.

"Where are you from, Mr. Eagle?"
"AMERICA"

And thus, we were introduced to Mr. Eagle. He will now be an important part of our lives.


So long, and thanks for all of the beer, San Fran. It was fun.

SF Version 3.6

SNAKES EVERYWHERE.

No, seriously, I almost bought a can of snakes while we were in Chinatown. We managed to wake up at about 7:30am today, which is amazing considering that we drank ourselves stupid last night. Actually, it wasn't that bad, as compared to the Salad Rage Fist night.

Anyway, we drank a 26 of Jim Beam for Andrew's birthday, then proceeded to buy 2 12-packs of PBR. They didn't stand a chance, those poor little fuckers. Jammed a bunch with our new French friend, David. Then these political douches showed up and ruined the show. POLITICS ARE A DRINKING NO NO.

They cramped our style, and our table... and our babes.

Whatever.

Tonight will be better, won't it?

The Day After

So, I went here to update on San Fran, only to find out that I have already done so. Hm. Unexpected.

Here's a better story!

Cast - Cam, Courtney, Amanda, Two Norwegian people

Cam sits down at the table with the other humans already eating

Cam - "You guys, the most amazing thing just happened"
The Table - "What? What happened?"
Cam - "I just totally fell in love"
Courtney - "Aww that's nice! With who?"
Cam - "Well, they're actually at this table right now"
Awkward silence...
Cam - "Let me introduce you to my future wife, Sour Cream!"
Amanda - "You've got to work on your marriage proposal I think"

Cam eats sour cream and we lived happily ever after.

Story 2! Same cast!

Everyone is finished eating, but Jesse is asleep!

Cam - "Fuckin' Jesse, sleepin' through everything! I'm gonna go wake him up and you two are gonna help me"
Courtney and Amanda - "Ehhhh why don't you do it?"
Cam - "Alright, we're doing it like this. Everyone take a card"

Everyone picks a card and shows it.

Courtney - "Ha! King of Clubs!"
Cam - "Wonderful, okay none of that means anything now follow me!"

Cam walks up to the table full of food and grabs a handful of salad, with the girls following, he marches on into the room and BAM! ANGRY SALAD FIST!

Jesse doesn't move.

Then a pub crawl happened and details get very hazy, on the plus side, I mixed half a bottle of gin with some Arizona fuckin' GRAPEADE son. Yeahhhh.

Ess Eff

Surrounded by babes.

Gaying off with Jesse. I threw a salad in his face. Like actually. One handful of salad while he slept.

Pub crawl in a strip joint? I'm down.

SF has hills. Fuck Van.

-Cam

We gots footage

You will see the video bar at the top of the page, click on that and BEHOLD! Videos of us! Your favourite jerks.

Note to Bobby - Burnside is fucking gnar. The footage does not do it justice. The lowest vert wall was like 7 feet high. You don't even want to know how big the bowl is...

We got back to the hostel today and met a guy named Moe. He was from Cali and telling us about how he was heading up to Seattle today, but his car had just been towed. He was right in the middle of telling us what happened, when all of a sudden this towing truck sped up and around the corner. The guy gets out...

Towing guy - "Hey, which one of you owns this car?"
Moe -"Yeah that's mine"
Towing guy - "I'm taking it"
Moe - "What? Why?"
Towing guy - "You stole it off my lot!"

They started arguing, so Jesse and I quietly slinked away to head to a park down the street because I wanted to take a nap.

Note to Jess - That park where we were playing on the monkey bars and whatnot, after playing with the snake, yeah. Same park. Our hostel is about two blocks away from it. Small fucking world!

Alright, it's Miller Time.

Hobo jams

So, Portland IS in fact the best city, but you already knew that. If you didn't you're a dick.

We awoke around 8 this morning, slightly hungover from our obliteration the night before, 18's of PBR for $11 is trouble. Devastating trouble. Anyway, we went for a walk and met some cool dudes at a skate shop. We kept walking. This shit's boring.

We got back to the hostel and finally went out to search for guitars. It was finally NOT raining so we grabbed our boards and our new friend John and headed out for downtown in search of a pawn shop. We went to a damn cool music store and a fucking weird pawn shop. No luck. We decided to try our luck on Hawthorne. We succeeded! Jesse bought a travel size Hohner for $89 and I bought a full size for $109. I've already dinged it up a bit but it plays decent. Right after we bought them, we went to a Rite Aid to get something to drink, we were sitting outside and this screaming hobo came up and started jamming with us. Seriously. He was singing, "Like a Rolling Stone" and fucking SCREAMING it. So awesome. Hobo jams. Snakes on a Hobo.

VOODOO DONUTS

Fuck!
This is me eating the Old Dirty Bastard donut. A chocolate glaze, with Oreo's and peanut butter on top. Jesus fuck.

Jesse's bacon maple bar. Fuck.


We have a video of us eating them too, but we can't get the fucking thing to work, so you'll have to wait until we stop being idiots.

-Cam

Proof!

This is Alice. She's a dick. (Love you, Alice!)

We ended up helping Alice move her apartment!

The album cover.

This is for Tomas

Best fridge ever?

Yep, that's the proof! We did this stuff and you can't stop us.

It has begun...

We're in Seattle!

Cam's head is shaved. 5th base with a midget. Oiled up and dressed like a cheetah. Truly the land of the free. I spent most of the afternoon asleep, working off the hangover from the night out with Fuckin' Cayer the night before. Upon our arrival, fucking Alice wasn't picking up her phone (she was out cleaning "garbage" in front of her apartment), so Jesse and I went to a parking lot across the street, grabbed a 6'er and skated. Alice saw us across the street with a, "what the fuck?!" and we finally dropped off our huge backpacks.

The border guard! Here's the conversation,

Guard - "So, where you guys headed?"
Jerks - "Seattle for today, then down the rest of the west coast"
G - "Bah! Do it and never come back! What do you guys do for work that you can afford to do this?"
J - "Warehouse work"
G - "Get outta here!"

I WISH I were paraphrasing but that's actually what he said! You can't make this shit up.

Sleep time, it's 11:15PM and it's off to Portland tomorrow morning at 7AM. Fucking. Love it.

Portland. Four days, three nights. Night fools.

-Cam

Start Your Engines!

SUCCESS! Cam and I went to the Greyhound station yesterday to get this whole non-confirmation thing figured out. Turns out that the online booking system was a piece of crap the day that we booked our passes, so they never actually went through. With the assistance of some (actually) helpful Greyhound staff members, we got it sorted out and purchased our REAL PASSES.


Suck it, Trebek!

The Last Ice Age...

..... may catch up to us at the rate that Greyhound's working! Still no confirmation on the passes, and no word back from them regarding my questions about what's going on. I'll make a phone call today and possibly visit the depot after work to see if anyone can give me an answer.

The more or less, itinerary

So, as with everything we do, this itinerary is just a rough guideline as far as dates, times and activities are concerned. The places likely won't change, but there may be some instances where Jesse's like, "HOLY FUCK! I love eating bacon on donuts! Let's stay in Portland another night!" so we have alloted for 5 days of grace. I think it's 5.

ANYWAY, if anyone has any suggestions of sweet places to visit in the cities, or even better COUCHES to crash on, let us know.


United States – Anal Domination Tour ‘07


June 5th – Se motha fuckin’ attle

- overnight with Alice
- depart June 6th at 7:20AM for Portland

June 6th - 9th -Po’land!!!!

- arrive at 11:25AM
- drink PBR
- depart June 9th for Sacramento at 6:15PM

June 10th – Sacto

- arrive at 6:40AM
- get arrested in the capital
- get Governated
- depart 5:30PM for San Francisco

June 10th – 12th – San Fran

- arrive at 8:05PM
- bomb hills
- die
- depart June 12th for L.A. at 8PM

June 13th – 15th – Lost Angles

- arrive at 7:45AM
- get shot
- buy cheap rum
- go to Compton, Long Beach, Inglewoooooood
- Bob Dylan’s coffee shop
- Gold’s Gym, get PUMPED with Arnold
- Amoeba music
- Skate the Berrics
- Depart on the 15th at 9AM to Oceanside

June 15th – Oceanside/Carlsbad/Lego Land

- arrive at Oceanside at 11:20AM
- take subway to Carlsbad
- go to Lego Land
- Nollie B/S Flip Carlsbad gap
- Then kickflip up it
- Depart at 4PM to San Diego



June 15th – San Diego

- arrive at 4:50PM
- skip border to Tijuana
- get shot/stuffed with cocaine
- just kidding
- depart on the 16th at 7AM to Phoenix

June 16th – Phoenix Down

- arrive at 3:15PM
- revive Barrett
- depart at 11:30PM, cast level 4 lightning bolt

June 17th – Albuquerque Turkey

- arrive at 10AM
- walk over to Area 51, cross line, die.
- Eat turkey jerky in Albuquerque!
- Depart at 9:20PM to Dallas

June 18th – 19th – Dallas Son

- arrive at 12:15PM, just after noon
- she was a scorcher. Thought my skin was gonna fall off just touchin the sun. Yeahhhhh boy. Been on the run for three weeks now, fighting off those liberal scum bags. Glad to be back on home soil again. On the ol’ red, white and green.
- Er ah, kickflip, JAY EFF KAY!!!!!
- Eat a party platter by the book depository
- Depart June 19th at 6:15PM to New Orleans

June 20th – 23rd – N’Oleans

- arrive June 20th at 6:15AM
- might have a place to stay, bang Jesse’s mom?
- Depart on the 23rd at 8:15AM to Houston

June 23rd – Whitney Houston

- arrive June 23rd at 5:05PM
- drill for oil
- get rich, die tryin’
- depart June 24th at 6PM to Las Vegas

June 26th -28th – Las Vegas, the last free state

- arrive June 26th at 6:40AM (36 hour bus ride!)
- ether, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, enough pills to fuel a small army and a quart of rum. And a quart of tequila. We’re gonna need a typewriter. Oh and cocaine.
- bat country
- Bill Murray
- Depart June 28th at 7:50AM for (get the hell out of that god damn reptile zoo)

June 28th – Salt Lake City, Ooh – tah

- arrive at 5:10PM
- tell them our Olympics were better
- depart June 29th 12:01 PM to Olympia!

June 30th – Olympia!

- arrive at 11:25AM
- call Paolo
- go to land
- SLEEP
- Fight Rocky
- Lose
- Fight Dolph Lundgren
- Lose, and die in the ring
- Join Bloodsport
- Fight Jean Claude
- Lose
- Go to jungle with Arnold
- Get to chopper

Tickets are bought, planning's a go go

Fuck you Canada!

That's the general idea behind this trip. I think. Right? Who knows.

Last day, Jesse and I bought our tickets for this ridiculous conquest of the States that is going to happen.

JUNE FUCKING FIFTH.

Don't call us after that. Email, or post on this silly blog. Or I guess you can call Jesse, he at least gets free texting in the States. Me? NOTHING.

This is the beginning of the end. I'm assuming we'll survive!

Deetz/itinerary to follow shortly.