Ponoka, Cam's view

Alright so this is after the fact and no one is reading this crap anymore, this is mostly to get one more gay joke off at Jesse.

We got to Ponoka, which is basically five houses on a highway with a Subway and 4 liquor stores. Maybe there were more, maybe there were less. Fuck it. Jesse's parents ruled. His dog, ruled. Ren, the bathroom cat, ruled. The room I stayed in was his brothers room which had a TOILET IN IT AWESOME!

Also if you ever wonder what Jesse looks like with long hair just ask to see a picture of his brother.

We met up with Jesse's friends like he said, but it wasn't so much a BBQ as it was a LGBT convention. They threw it in Jesse's honour of course.

Speaking of throwing in Jesse's honour, after Jesse was done gaying off with his old friends, I threw up in his house! FUCK YEAH. AMERICA. LGBT!!!!!!!

-Cam

Chi-Town

Pizza. Mother, fucking, pizza. I can't believe I've never seen deep dish pizza outside of Chicago. It was like taking a pie, but making it a pizza instead.

I generally rate food by how it compares to the size of my bowel movements (most things for that matter) and I have never taken a shit larger than that pizza. Thank god. It took 45 minutes to prepare and I'm positive that many Bothan's died to bring me that 'za.

Chicago was an incredibly gigantic city, only surpassed by L.A. on the trip. Well I guess that's because it's the third largest in the States, next to Ell Eh and New Why. We didn't do a whole pile here, our hostel was a half an hour out of the downtown core and we had come here on a whim anyways. On top of that, the hostel we booked turned out to be the "No-Fun Tolerated" hostel. No booze (WHAT?!), check out at 9:30AM, no one allowed in the hostel between 11AM and 2PM, a kitchen you wouldn't want to use, no lockers, bathrooms like you're back in gym class, there was a common room but it was just full of chairs that were covered in white sheets. It felt like we had stepped into an about to be horror movie location. Seriously fuck that hostel.

Jesse made out with so many guys. Probably like, a hundred. He got all their phone numbers too, it was great. Great work team!

-Cam

Getting the Fuck Out Of Dodge

So this was it. Our final few hours in the last free state. Jesse was taking an alcohol powered super nap beside me poolside. There are two Aussie's beside me, getting a good head start on a bottle of something. Likely a bottle of pure freedom. Excellent work gentlemen.

We were facing the longest stretch of our trip. 40 hours on a bus from Las Vegas to New Orleans. We're supposed to be in Albuquerque right now, however we got too drunk and booked another night in Vegas. It went something like this...

Jesse - "Hey, we're drunk. Wanna stay another night?"
Cam - "As your attorney, I advise you to book a couple of beds"

And so it was.

And so our adventure continues into the deep south. We were due to arrive in Louisiana at 2PM on Monday. New Orleans is our last real stop on our invasion of America. We were soon going to realize, that our trip was wrapping up. New Orleans holds the only potential for being better than San Francisco. Well, at least to me. Jesse's night last night went something like this...

-Drunk
-playing guitar in the pool, the guitar was full of water
-being convinced by me to go to 7-11 in his underwear to buy beer
-it worked
-playing pool in a toga?
-snakes
-waking up to me handing him a beer at 8:45AM

And now he's asleep. New Orleans allows drinking in public, so I have faith that it can get crazier than SF. I'm hoping Jesse ends up oiled up in a cage dancing with ten men. This is gonna warrant a "gaying off" tag

-Cam

Ess Eff

Surrounded by babes.

Gaying off with Jesse. I threw a salad in his face. Like actually. One handful of salad while he slept.

Pub crawl in a strip joint? I'm down.

SF has hills. Fuck Van.

-Cam